JESSIE SOOS
Jessie Soos is an artist born in New Jersey but currently based in NYC.
She’s dabbled in everything from illustration to 3D modelling but is currently focused on perfecting her tattooing skills, drawing and printmaking.
She’s dabbled in everything from illustration to 3D modelling but is currently focused on perfecting her tattooing skills, drawing and printmaking.
All Photos of Jessie were taken by Nella on 35mm.
All photos of artwork are credited to Jessie Soos.
All photos of artwork are credited to Jessie Soos.
Right now, I’m looking for jobs, spending time walking dogs, drawing, looking for ways to make cash, looking for other tattoo artists, teaching myself to tattoo, watching Twin Peaks, going to the park and reading lots of books.
How did you get into tattoo ?
I was always very attracted to modification of the body and never thought it was fair to leave [the body] alone. As I’ve grown up, I’ve come to have a more purist mindset about tattoo placement and meaning. I always view it as a sacred ordeal even if the tattoos are “meaningless.”
I got into it by using a pencil, needle and india ink on one of my friends when I was 14. I thought it was so cool that it would be there forever and that I sort of captured that moment in time.
It didn’t matter what it was of, just the fact that I did it for her and that we have that connection now. My friend also did one for me and I’ll always have her because she’s on my skin.
Naturally, the way that I draw, no matter the medium, has always been flash-esque. At the end of the day, I just have a love for the ability to modify “who you are,” because you have the autonomy to do so, and tattooing can be one representation of that.
In relation to that, how do you feel about curating your life / having the ability to do so ?
I’m a very strong believer in beauty and making sure that everything in your life has sentimentality: as well as being a conscious consumer and creating, as much as possible.
I don’t want to bring anything into my life that has no intrinsic value. I like surrounding myself with people who feel similarly in that sense.
Do you think this view on life drew you to art ?
Yeah, I’ve always been design-conscious about everything in my life.
I’ve always wanted things to be adorned or accessorised. Not to necessarily make them more than what they are, though, because some things are better left untouched.
Bringing art into every aspect of my life was always such an unconscious thing. I think it’s easy to lose that when you start going through harder times and you don’t care or aren’t able to care about things as much.
The goal is to just feel pleased and proud of what you have and what you’ve made with your life. It also has a lot of communicative power.
If you could visualise your life, like the first image that would come to mind, what would it be ?
I see some sort of glass ball: not like a snow globe, but a very fragile glass ball full of condensation, with junk rolling around.
The outside of the ball is clean and everything is contained within it, but there is a lot of gross-ness rolling around in it.
A lot of your artwork is very biomorphic, what is your relationship with that ?
I don’t think about it consciously when drawing. I am always thinking about the body, not necessarily restricted to the human body. However, I feel that I’ve always been attracted to anything distorted and as I draw I’m always recalling memories - that are distorted.
I find vagueness important in a lot of my work because I’m not looking to elicit a particular reaction from others. I look for interpretation in the moment and whatever I make out of that, I make, which after that point no longer belongs to me.
Do you view artwork as belonging to the person who “creates” it, or that there is a process of separation where the creation becomes its own autonomous thing ?
I think it’s both. I think there is a parental relationship between the creation and creator, but whatever the child (the creation) does is whatever it does.
You always have to think about: Why did I make this ? Who is looking at it ? Who do I want to look at it ? but you don’t always have control over that and it becomes its own thing, just with your name on it.
With the work that you’re making right now, what are you thinking about ?
I’ve been thinking about playfulness, being looser and why I started drawing in the first place, which is something I don’t think I will ever really have an answer for. It’s not a thing I necessarily “decided” to do. It’s just trying to mimic the feeling I had when drawing as a child.
I think I’m starting to feel that again without the constraints of critique, not that I don’t think critique is helpful, because I really do. It’s just that at the moment, I’m trying to trust my instinct and see where my mind wants to go without judging it.
So we’ve talked about age before: When you think about it, do you view it linearly or nonlinearly ?
I think I view it linearly but it’s probably not that. I think about growing up and how you’re “supposed” to get better each year you live, but I’m still young and that’s not true.
It’s not linear.
What are your other illuminations on age ? We’ve talked about how you’ve always imagined yourself as someone older, which I think is interesting because a lot of young people tend to fear imagining themselves older.
I never look at an old woman and say “ Oh my god. I can’t imagine myself being like her, being like wrinkly and stinky yada yada yada.” I don’t think my physical-ness will “change.” I will just be me, with more experience.
I can’t remember a moment in my life when I didn’t want to be older. I was always surrounded by significantly older people in my family and felt very unheard: which caused me to associate age with the quality of a person and valued opinions.
I’m still not at an age where I feel like I know much of anything and I’m very accepting of that, because there isn’t anything I can do about it other than continue to live.
So, I’m very excited each year that I get older, because everything I experience, makes for better stories. That, I think, reflects in my art. I love things that look worn in. The same goes for bodies and tattoos, which can show age and experience.
Pick one and elaborate: Past, Present, or Future:
Present.
Why ?
There’s nothing else. You can conceptualise the past, but I find myself recounting and making stuff up just to make it more interesting, so it just becomes storytelling.
The future is also just storytelling, but full of more anxiety because it hasn’t happened yet.
Second by second is the only thing that really counts.
What’s your favourite word ?
My favourite word is clay. It starts from the back of the mouth and goes to the front.
Saying clay feels like clay in your mouth.
Any Hot Takes ?
Summer is the most depressive season.
Why ?
There’s too much pressure to have fun in summer. Too much of a good thing makes you realise that you need fluctuating emotions.
Any more Hot Takes ?
I think it’s fine for super-rich people to visit Mars first and check it out.
I feel that we need to have some volunteers to scope out the scene and see if it’s all alright out there.
I don’t want to be the one to do that: so, they can give it a go ...
What does substance mean to you ?
When I think of substance, there are a lot of different definitions.
In the context of art: fulfilling.
Are you attached to being an American artist ?
I don’t try to represent that in my artwork, but I do feel like such an American in my behaviours and thoughts. Not necessarily in love with that, but it’s an inevitable thing.
There’s no denying that I grew up in New Jersey. It’s not something I’m trying to showcase, but it is prevalent.
Thoughts on journaling ?
It’s the core of my being, I’ve written in my journal every day since I was maybe 7 years old.
It’s a super cathartic outlet.
I never go anywhere without my journal, for sure, like ever.
How do you feel about repetition in that regard ?
Because when you journal steadily there’s bound to be things that repeat.
It’s almost every day that I write the same things.
There are two things I write every day that I don’t mean to:
“I did yoga today or I didn’t do yoga today,”
and I end it with,
“Okay I’ll talk to you later Jessie, I love you.”
How do you feel about referring to yourself outside of yourself in that way ?
I kind of look at myself as another person often I think.
When I wake up in the morning, I’ll look at myself all frazzled and be like:
“Hi Jessie.” and I’ll stare at myself really deeply for a long time.
It makes me feel happy because I look like such an idiot.
How does humour factor into your daily life ?
I find humour extremely important, if anyone else is around it’s like priority number one [to make them laugh.] That is like the driving force to living life.
Having a good laugh is the most experiential part of your day.
[After laughing about something relating to watching a YouTube compilation of cats]
How do you feel about the rise of short-form content ?
I think that it’s dogshit, but I’m obsessed.
Okay last part is recommendations:
Oh shit, wait, let me pull up this YouTube channel I watched this morning.
TO DO:
Start walking dogs. Don’t recommend it for actually making money, but definitely if you just wanna hang out with a dog for an hour and get $20 bucks.
TO SEE:
Go to the ocean, any ocean. Lakes are not as superior but they’re good too.
TO WATCH:
There’s this woman’s channel that I like, that I watched this morning: [Existential Therapist] Emme van Deurzen. Usually, when it’s like some self-help video it’s just like, “Yeah right, give it a rest buddy...” but she’s the type of person who simplifies and still talks about nuances.
I looked at her and she was wearing this pink lipstick and pink shirt and had this fuzzy white hair and I saw myself.
TO LISTEN TO:
I’ve been listening to I Want You (LP) by Marvin Gaye a lot. That album is fucking sick.
TO READ:
If you’re in an artistic rut: The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Also, Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.
AN OBJECT:
A good pair of socks and one of those lint eaters (shavers.)
TO THINK ABOUT:
Maybe, being slow.
Maybe this is relative to the area that I live in, where everyone is kind of just like tweaking and waking up and having to get their grind on, but your nervous system can’t take it if you’re always going and never stopping. The best way to calm yourself down is to just slow down.
Jessie is @jootsoos on instagram
and you can find her work at jessiesoos.com.
Jessie was interviewed in August 2024.
AVERY MEI SKILLIN
Avery Mei Skillin is an artist born and based in Brooklyn, New York.
Starting as an animator, they turned to fine arts and currently paint, illustrate, make zines and write.
Starting as an animator, they turned to fine arts and currently paint, illustrate, make zines and write.
All photos of Avery were taken by Nella on 35mm.
All photos of artwork are credit to
Avery Mei Skillin.
All photos of artwork are credit to
Avery Mei Skillin.
I’m going to start new work soon, but I just try to do something every day so that I don't go crazy. I just got a new studio too, so I’m just trying to go there every day to get back into a schedule.
What activities are you enjoying/not enjoying ?
I’m like a dog that needs to take myself for walks outside so I don't get the zoomies.
I started drawing again for the first time in a long while. I also started working on a painting that I haven't touched in 4 months, but I might start a new one soon. It’s just weird to get back into it because after being in school for art [where] it’s like you have someone breathing down your neck to do something a certain way all the time, now, there’s no pressure for me to do something or get it done.
It’s nice, but I don't have security in the same way.
I have a lot of freedom, but that freedom is kinda scary.
How do you feel out of school ?
It’s nice to not have the pressure to make art in a certain way, but it feels hard to start again somehow. I'm not sure why.
Does it feel like you need a prompt, or are you just exhausted and/or feel like you don’t have a need [to create] ?
I feel like overthinking stops me from making stuff.
If I feel like something forces me to do it, it's easier to complete.
What have you been working on recently ?
*laughs*
I feel like I need to naturally feel like I want to make something.
I don't know if it’s because I'm really tired and need to force myself to do something, but maybe the way I want to let out my energy right now is not through art.
I’ve been writing a lot and journaling... That’s gonna come into it later.
When I went back to work on a painting recently, I got excited about painting again because I physically got to use paint, but it is also kind of like when you don't exercise for a long time and you have to start from the beginning again.
I’m a perfectionist when I start to do something, and if it doesn't live up to the expectation I have in my head of what it should look like, then I just won’t do it.
How do you feel about writing right now, and what have you been writing about ?
I journal mostly when I feel like saying something other people shouldn't hear.
I do it most days. It’s like self-reflection and free writing.
I have a lot of thoughts and get nervous about losing an idea or stressed out about other thoughts, so I just write about it and work it out. That goes for everything, not just personally how I'm doing in my relationships or my relationship with my artwork.
Your direction changed earlier this year: [Avery was making a lot of collage-like work that was based on information, surveillance, and targeted advertisement.] Do you feel like it's changing again ?
Now, I’m realising that I think I was doing that stuff because I was in a fine arts environment.
A lot of the sort of artwork we were talking about [in school] was making a statement about something relevant. I feel like that was what preoccupied and worried me the most at that time and I had the space to do that.
It was a cool experiment but it felt like people could tell it was forced versus my paintings which were more like what I wanted to do.
I still think about those things, but I think I should write an essay or something about it instead.
I'm taking a break from making a concise body of work where everything has to go with each other.
I feel like I'm going to have a change again. My artwork comes from what I feel in the moment and I don't need to make that in this moment. I also feel like I don't want to make paintings about hating myself as a little girl anymore...
Are you concerned with making art about specific topics right now ?
Right now, it's just as I go. I doodle a lot in my sketchbook, but nothing is really intentional and I kinda wanna start being intentional again. It's really hard to be intentional...
I don't know what I want but I know how I feel, and I have to figure out a way to put that into something else that someone can understand.
*a kid walks by with a tampon up their nose (to stop a nosebleed.)
then Avery proceeds up to show me a picture of a tampon up their own nose, because of their chronic nosebleeds*
*laughter*
*everyone takes a moment to regroup*
What’s ur diss on the current state of art ?
I hate everything so much.
Why ?
In art school it's like you're in a bubble of other people and what they're making.
Even though I trusted my major to be a place where I could make whatever I wanted, I feel like I still wasn't making whatever I wanted, because I didn't feel encouraged by the environment that I was in.
I’m realising I didn't feel that good about the art I was making when I was making it.
Since a lot of the same things just keep on being recycled within a bubble on Instagram or something too, I’m just like: ‘Ive seen this shit before’, but I don’t know if that’s just because I’m jaded in general.
I feel more inspired by writing, movies and narrative things right now.
How do you feel about the state of social media right now ?
Bad.
When did you start becoming a habitual Internet user ?
When I was like five *laughs.* Not good...
What about social media ?
I remember blogging platforms before like MySpace, which was a completely different way of communicating ‘cause it’s your own space... MY space... *laughter.*
But now, like Twitter and Instagram... but I'm not in control of anything I see any more. Instagram is just like Facebook for people our age, and I use it mainly to keep up with people... but I’m not in charge of what I see at all.
It’s just like infinite content to see that is just... bad. It feels like no one was meant to process information that much.
I feel similarly about that right now. I feel like I don’t want to see any of it anymore...
Yeah, it’s hard because it is engineered to make it literally as addictive as possible.
I delete it or try not to use it, but I can’t do that because I have to use it to keep in contact with a lot of people, like texting. That’s how a lot of people use stories too etc. If I’m not seeing these people physically in certain spaces often it’s a good thing, but yeah...
That’s why I only usually use close friends anyways.
What would an Internet utopia look like ?
Blow it up. *laughs*
This is so controversial to say but like the dark web or something... which people use to do illegal things of course, but I’m only saying that because it’s unfiltered, but honestly no.
I think actually, like the old internet before corporate ownership, because now [the internet] is just recreating ownership structures that we have in our society today.
The ideal would be... If we all... Revert to... a Hunter Gatherer Society...
Yeah...
Yeah...
How do you feel about being a New Yorker ?
It sucks. I like it, but everything sucks now.
Dude... they’re asking me for my job if I can drive a car, and they wanna save me a parking space.
I can’t drive... I can’t drive a car... I don’t know.
I hope Bushwick blows up... it’s just it’s very weird, because I feel like navigating everything feels so fake with people our age, and I don’t really like that.
It just feels like a different place, but also ‘cause I’m navigating as an adult, and almost everything is very surface-level in relationships or with meeting people.
I feel like people just judge you based on how hot you look, or how cool you are and just want to keep you around for that reason or what they can gain from you.
Do you think that this is a very 21st-century problem ?
I feel like people from here are generally just like that but I don’t really know if it’s just a New York thing, or an everybody thing, or just a New York art school thing to treat other people like that.
I think its also because I’m in nightlife spaces a lot and everyone tries too hard to be a certain kind of person. Whereas, when you get out of that, it all seems dumb and stupid: everyone is trying to look cool or something.
How do you feel about being an artist in America right now ?
I don’t know what it’s like to be somewhere else, but I don’t really have faith in anything right now. Even people I see that are “up,” or doing something successful, are not actually doing that well. I don’t have faith that anything can work out for me which sounds depressing and bad but it’s just being realistic.
It’s not a good outlook to have, but if I have no expectations I can’t be disappointed in things not working out.
It’s hard to be a genuine person.
What is something that feels genuine ?
Art made by cavemen like a million years ago...
They didn’t have any reason to make art other than wanting to. They didn’t know if it would end up in a museum.
Because we’ve created technology to take care of fundamental functions, in turn kind of rendering our own performance of them irrelevant: Do you think that affects the current outlook on life ?
Yeah, completely, because the way you navigate spaces with other people now is through your phone or literally like being watched all the time as a post-9/11, and post-COVID-19 society. But, if I were a bug, all of it wouldn’t matter.
I don’t think people are supposed to be in direct contact all the time or as accessible as we are now.
It’s like I’m not working, but still have to think about work and all of these things all the time.
Like, I don’t know... is that why I’m so stressed out all the time or is everyone also feeling like that ?
I think everyone is because we weren’t made for all of this.
I’m going to move to the middle of the woods somewhere. I’m so dead fucking serious.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been here for so long. I just wanna move somewhere with a different environment, but I think that I’m just having a bad day today... *laughter*
I think I’m just over everything in general and want to feel like I’m having a fresh start.
If there was somewhere else you could go, where would it be ?
A. walk-ab-le. city...
It’s just like every time I go somewhere here, I just know where I am at all times. I’ve been coming here [Sarah D. Roosevelt Park] since I was 5 years old.
You take it for granted, but it’s also like a certain culture of navigating based on how other people act here. Like if I’m in Manhattan, it’s different than if I were in Brooklyn because people walking on the street would say hi to me there, but people don’t do that here [Manhattan.]
I think I am just tired of image consciousness.
What is something undervalued in society ?
The post office... but I don’t know. I think everything is undervalued.
Having running water is the number one thing. I think about this all the time.
You can press a button and water comes out and it’s something expected, when it’s not meant to be like that at all, and other people don’t have that privilege. Like when you flip a switch and the light comes on because of technology from before, coming from someone else somewhere/time else; that’s why we end up worrying about all this other stupid stuff.
Yeah, I feel like humans need to always have an issue to try and fix, but we’ve already fixed so many of the fundamental things and are just now finding problems with very unsubstantial things.
Examples?
How social media and instant messaging were created to make socialisation/contact easier etc, but before all of that we would fulfil our immediate social needs by actually interacting more, and waiting for contacts that would take longer.
YEAH... I had a friend who switched to a flip phone, and every time I needed to talk to her I had to call her and sit through a conversation.
I think I’m just very overwhelmed by everything and the possibilities of everything all the time.
Any hot takes ?
Brat is not that good...
I think it was good... but every day I see the Market Hotel post their flyer about it, and like they said it would be the last time, and then they say there’s gonna be brat autumn... and the word demure... and internet buzzwords.
Pick one: Past, Present or future and elaborate.
I don’t see the future as very good, I don’t know. I’m trying to live in the moment more, but also, it’s like you have to have a plan and it’s really weird to not have a plan.
I try to not ruminate on the past too much. You can learn from the past, but I’ve been dwelling too much in my past states lately.
AVERY RECOMMENDS.
TO DO:
I think that everybody should read a book... I think that everyone should go to the library.
Go and get a library card.
TO SEE:
Read a book. You see words and you read them...
TO WATCH:
The Agressives.
TO LISTEN:
Black Metal 2 by Dean Blunt.
TO READ:
I’m reading this right now: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. It’s really good so far. I usually only read depressing or philosophical books. I really like his writing style, and I got this at the library... I have a library card, I have my library card on my keys...
AN OBJECT:
I have these guys: I have my beans. Stress beans.
TO THINK ABOUT:
I think that everybody should sit and think about how we have running water, and how privileged we are to have running water and electricity.
I feel like I think about it all the time, and nobody else thinks about it.
I feel like I have way too much guilt and think about it way too often.
Avery is @aveemei on instagram
and was interviewed in September 2024.
SIDONI PFAEFFLE
Sidoni Pfaeffle is an artist raised in Miami: currently based in NYC.
Sidoni draws, paints and sculpts. Her recent focus has been on figurative work that attempts to recount the sensation of memory through aesthetic choice and content.
Sidoni also takes inspiration from the music that she listens to, and the world around her which it creates/helps fortify.
Sidoni draws, paints and sculpts. Her recent focus has been on figurative work that attempts to recount the sensation of memory through aesthetic choice and content.
Sidoni also takes inspiration from the music that she listens to, and the world around her which it creates/helps fortify.
All Photos of Sidoni were taken by Nella on 35mm.
All photos of artwork are credit to Sidoni.
All photos of artwork are credit to Sidoni.
My family is from Honduras and Nicaragua. I was born in Honduras, but moved to Miami as a baby. We moved around a few times, and I was taken care of by different family members.
When I started school, I was really rowdy; used to get in trouble a lot. I would bring sporks in from the cafeteria and like fuck around with them and distract the other students, and teachers did not like that… but it was never anything heinous.
For a period of time, it was just me and my younger siblings with my mom. I grew up a lot with them and was very close to them. My siblings were maybe the most consistent family that I saw. I used to read a lot of kids’ books and consume a lot of kids' media because of them.
I like a lot of whimsical things like carnivals and clowns, and I think it is just because I was so often surrounded by it. I think being a kid exiting childhood, then having to be around that stuff again, really sustained that for a bit. It was fun; it was a little hectic.
Then, when we moved to Oviedo, I went to a normal high school for the first time…
Up until then, I was only in arts programs. It was really weird *laughs.* It was hard to find a niche.
It’s been a lot of ups and downs to the point that I don’t have time to look back at it often.
What are these days like for you ?
I think…
I haven’t always had a lot of time to stop and reflect. Because of that hecticness, so much of my life has centered around other people: my parents, my siblings, friends even, and now it's just me and that’s really fucking scary in itself.
It’s just that spending all this time with myself, and trying to remember the things I enjoy that don’t deal with having other people there, is kinda interesting. I’ve been at my wits’ end trying to have a good time, because I’m so used to being around others or doing things that are fun with others.
Now that it’s time for: “What do you want to do for a career ?”
You have a whole day open: “What do you want to do ?” and it’s just like, “Oh...”
There’s something fun in that, too, though. You have so much space to just explore.
It’s both dreadful and exciting.
What has been inspiring and what has been uninspiring for you ?
I think that the idea of things being sequential is both inspiring and uninspiring right now *laughs.*
As stupid as it sounds, I wish I could live more destructively. Like, where I could pick a time of life to live in. In sequence, things are always influenced by what came before and how that affects how you see what’s coming forward. That could be really inspiring for artwork. Thinking about the baggage that certain moments come with, or feelings and emotions, and the way that you’re viewing that, can shape what that can turn into or what that can mean for you.
It’s something very uninspiring to not be able to separate that context sometimes. I’m someone who really whims away at memories when it comes to artwork. When it comes with a certain amount of baggage, it becomes difficult to focus on certain elements without constantly cycling through: “Oh, but because of this, that happened, and because of that, this may happen.”
It becomes a long question of “What if... ?” But, I think the clarity in that sequential stuff can be the part that makes that fun.
If you had to speak in one or the other for the rest of your life: would it be in statements or questions ?
Statements. I kinda just like to talk, and I feel like it would just be annoying if I just was asking questions all day *laughs.*
What do you think of uncertainty, since questions are uncertain things vs statements which are certain ?
Uncertainty is kinda like the one thing that will always be there.
I like uncertainty because it implies that things can be better. I think that I'm trying to think positively and it's great that there is somewhere to go from here and that that space is just open. I think uncertainty just drives action. It’s annoying but necessary...
Yeah, without uncertainty or unknowing, we wouldn’t want to do.
Yeah, if we always knew what was going to happen, like if everything was all set in stone and you can’t get around it... I mean personally, my drive would probably diminish.
Like, if my house is going to catch on fire, whatever I do... I mean, then what’s the point of putting stuff in the house ?
What is inspiration to you ?
I think inspiration for me is just motivation. It doesn’t have to mean that I’m going to create if I'm inspired. I think inspiration for me comes from… from when you care about something enough to take action in whatever aspect of your life that it matters.
To you, what is a life that's worth living ?
One that’s aware of itself.
I think that a life that’s worth living is one where you’re aware of the days passing and of your time and of what you’re doing, and you’re both appreciating and critiquing it.
I think awareness finds both joy and misery, but you need to feel those things sometimes. That is what makes life the way that it is.
Are there themes in your artwork that haunt you/that you find recurring/pop up subconsciously ?
Anticipatory grief. Every waking moment, I feel like I’m in some stage of grief. I think a lot of my artwork is processing grief. I’m very sensitive to time passing, and I think that’s why I like awareness as well. Being able to recreate and kind of mull over those memories that I have in my life…
I paint and I sculpt and it’s all interwoven with memory, but I think all of that is a way to process this anxiety of grief, like, “I can never be this age again. This is the youngest that I have ever seen my parents, and will ever see them again.”
Having lost people I was close to has made this anxiety of like, “things aren’t here forever,” and if you’re not there enough to appreciate it, y’know what’s the point.
Do you think that anxiety comes across in your artwork ?
I’d say my colours are anxious. Sometimes the speed at which I paint, or even the slowness, can convey anxiety. I know that I feel anxiety *laughs,* and that there is anxiety in my paintings, but I can’t tell if it comes across that way.
How do you feel about growing up in Miami ?
Oh, I miss it, I miss the food. It was nice over there because it’s primarily Spanish-speaking, and my first language is Spanish. When I first started school, I was in ESL (English Second Language,) and it was nice going to the store, and it was just Spanish. I think that my family feels a lot more comfortable in that space. As we moved up north in Florida, and it got a lot more “Americanized,” there was much more discomfort around them, and I missed the culture there a lot.
2024 was __ and 2025 will be __ ?
2024… I guess it was explorative, and 2025 will be finding.
Rooting for that *laughs* hopefully…
New York in October 2024 is…?
Hectic.* laughs* I’m trying to get a lot of things together right now…
Since it’s October, how do you feel about it being a notorious month?
October is a notorious month ?
Yeah *laughs,* like Halloween, etc.
Oh… like fall ? Well, I mean I like October.
I like this weather, I like pumpkins, so I like the flavours around *laughs.*
Ohhh, I like this time of the year because the candy is really cheap *laughs,* and I’m really stocked up on that right now…
I don’t know if that really answers the question…
I mean it’s part of it *laughs,* like the fun part of it.
What role does music play in your work ?
So, music really helps ground colours and space for me. Certain sounds belong in certain spots, Wednesday, the word, is in the belly, and it’s orange. I have my little thing going on, and certain songs emulate that.
I use music as a way to ground the anxiety that I was talking about earlier.
I go through really strong phases with it. Like, 6th grade was the year of My Chemical Romance, and if I sit down and listen to Demolition Lovers on loop, I’m going to feel like I did when I was 12.
That comes with a specific set of colours and space.
When I was 11, I felt like I was larger than I was, but still kind of in a box. Like, if you were full-sized and sat in a box, you’d feel really cramped, but kind of like large. That, y’know influenced the way that I kind of place figures in my paintings. I choose to shrink space and amplify the figures, it’s kind of the spacial recollection of that sort of music. I name some of my paintings after the song that I was listening to. I’ll usually loop a specific song, or like a set of three songs and rotate. It’s important.
Are you an album person or a single person ?
It really depends. It depends so much. I’ve really got into this one song by Daniel Hart called O Sangeeta... I hate the album. I’ve really… I’ve tried. I like his Dark Rooms, which is like his other music thing. I really like that music, but this one, I don’t really like the album.
I will sit through an album, but it doesn’t mean that I will like the album. I guess in that, I’m an album girl.
What kind of art do you like right now, and what kind of art do you not like right now ?
I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I’ve been all over the place. It kind of depends on the day.
I just like the movement of the camera.
I love Succession and talk about it all the time: the way that the camera is used in that show is kind of like it’s a person collecting information with us. I guess I’m interested in that, like, the angles and space that the camera is trying to capture and colours even.
I think the art that I don’t really like right now is making it *laughs.* It sounds really awful, but I think it’s just burnout.
I feel like most of the people that I’ve been talking to haven’t been making any artwork.
I haven’t touched anything.
The other day, I was like, “I thought I was going to die,” crying because I’ve put in so much time.
I’ve been in art school since I was 11, and like if you’re 11 and making life decisions like: “this is gonna be my career...” you’re kind of screwed. I’ve always been in it, and never really thought about being out of it, and that’s really creeping up on me. So, I don’t really know if there is any art that I dislike right now, but I’m definitely not as involved in it as I should be. I think being involved is the part that I dislike right now *laughs.*
Movies are great because they’re passive, but you’re still taking it in.
Oh! I watched The Cabinet of Dr Caligari yesterday. I just really liked the shapes. They’re really funky *laughs.*
I made a Letterboxd...
Oohhhh.
What is something mundane that you notice or pay attention to often ?
That’s a weird question because I pay a lot of attention to things. For example, I’m really aware of when my hair is touching my neck in a different way, which sounds weird, but I don’t know...
I have a big rock collection, so I am kind of always looking at the ground, hoping to pick something up. I also love taking pictures of cigarettes on the ground, and that’s really funny. I’m not sure where the humour is in that *laughs,* but I’ll look back and it’s like really funny when I scroll back on my phone.
There’s a lot of poop on the floor, and you just hope that it’s not human.
I think that the floor has a lot of... There’s a lot going on down there...
Yeah, the texture is also just nice. There are a lot of specks
Or sometimes it will look kind of shiny. It’s pretty sometimes.
What is an existential thought that you recurringly have ?
Well, I guess I could kind of go back to that hyper-awareness that things are going to finish. Like, “Am I wasting time... ?” I have this constant feeling that I’m wasting time.
I’m always kind of nervous about sitting at home for hours, or like if I go to bed without leaving the house. Oh my god, that drives me crazy. It’s just this feeling of like: “Oh, I’m wasting my time... I didn’t get to go outside... What if I don’t get to see outside again... What if things are different...”
My dad was in Nicaragua when it went to war. It could be some kind of generational trauma that they’ve been feeding me. “What if the US does go to shit... What if I don’t enjoy what it is right now...” That really works me up.
What is the best sensation, and what is the worst sensation ?
You know those glass beads that are flat on one side ? I used to like putting those under my tongue *laughs,* so I think that was the best sensation.
The worst... Ugh, I had a bob for like four years *laughs,* and it would always grow out to the point where the ends of my hair would touch my neck. I would hate that and then cut it short again, almost to the point of a pixie. I had my hair in a ponytail most of the time growing up, so I think that’s where the hair-touching-neck thing started.
Do you think that place has an impact on the work that you make ?
Yeah, definitely. When I moved out of my house: all of my artwork was about my house. When I was in my house: God forbid I make artwork about my house *laughs.* When I lived back with my family, I was very uninterested in figures. I was interested in fleshier-looking things. So, kind of figures, but not really. I was doing a lot of abstract-looking things, but there was still a touch of realism.
When I moved out, I got really into figuration and depicting them in paintings. My sketchbooks have always been full of figures, because I was a huge fan art kid growing up, and just y’know, Gerard Way here, and like Alex Turner there. I was always interested in figures, but my pieces didn’t feel complete without people in them. I painted a lot of houses and lines, and all of my paintings were based on repetition. Now that I’ve moved out, I almost only paint figures. I don’t really know why.
Since you’ve been doing things your entire life with, for, and around other people like your siblings, etc. and that in more recent years it hasn’t been so much like that:
Do you think that kind of environment change drew you to focus on people more, now that they aren’t there ?
Yeah, I feel like I’m trying to make up for the lack of.
I feel like I haven’t painted anything that isn’t a fucking person in God knows how long.
In which artistic direction do you want to go ?
I don’t know… *laughs* I know it’s ambitious, but I don’t know what it is.
I think it’s good to know that it’s ambitious *laughs.*
I think I have delusions of grandiosity...
I kinda want to sculpt again, but you need space.
I’ve been thinking about small art. I love big art like there is something so happy about a really big painting, but I don’t have the space anymore. At this point, it’s me or the paper, in my room *laughs.*
I wanna get back into drawing, like just pen and paper. It’s such a movable material. You can travel with it: it’s inexpensive and effective. I’ve been thinking about just doing stills from movies, because I don’t want to stop drawing. I just need filler work.
Yeah, to get it going again...
What comes to your mind when someone says world versus individual ?
Interaction. I don’t know if that makes sense.
For an individual, it’s the way that they are going to interact with the world.
For example, if you’re an individualist and you think of yourself first, versus having a sort of awareness of everyone around you and interacting with the world as a whole.
When I think of “individual,” I think of nervousness in a way.
If you’re self-absorbed... Some people are self-absorbed, and it’s bad... but I think it’s also like an anxiety thing when thinking of the world as a whole.
SIDONI RECOMMENDS.
TO DO:
Learn an instrument.
I’ve been trying to learn the guitar right now. I’ve been playing around with that a lot. When I think of art, I tend to think of visual art, but I’ve been playing with music.
TO GO:
Outside.
The weather is nice... You should be outside.
TO WATCH:
The people around you.
Like, when you asked the world vs individual thing: I think it’s nice to feel that sense of community.
TO LISTEN:
Good music...
Whatever that means to you.
TO READ:
I’ve been reading The Book of Pleasures by Clarice Lispector.
AN OBJECT *in this case, not an object but rather a non-human thing*:
Bugs!
OMG I got a Venus fly trap, and that’s my baby right now. It’s been eating ladybugs.
It eats bugs every two months, it can survive two months without them.
Actually, I got these nail stickers that are of bugs also.
TO THINK ABOUT:
Sequence.
What has happened, and where that’s going.
There’s a lot going on right now, and people need to pay more mind to it.
Sidoni is @miscellan3ous_ on Instagram
and was interviewed in October 2024.