SIDONI PFAEFFLE
Sidoni Pfaeffle is an artist raised in Miami: currently based in NYC.
Sidoni draws, paints and sculpts. Her recent focus has been on figurative work that attempts to recount the sensation of memory through aesthetic choice and content.
Sidoni also takes inspiration from the music that she listens to, and the world around her which it creates/helps fortify.
Sidoni draws, paints and sculpts. Her recent focus has been on figurative work that attempts to recount the sensation of memory through aesthetic choice and content.
Sidoni also takes inspiration from the music that she listens to, and the world around her which it creates/helps fortify.
All Photos of Sidoni were taken by Nella on 35mm.
All photos of artwork are credit to Sidoni.
All photos of artwork are credit to Sidoni.
My family is from Honduras and Nicaragua. I was born in Honduras, but moved to Miami as a baby. We moved around a few times, and I was taken care of by different family members.
When I started school, I was really rowdy; used to get in trouble a lot. I would bring sporks in from the cafeteria and like fuck around with them and distract the other students, and teachers did not like that… but it was never anything heinous.
For a period of time, it was just me and my younger siblings with my mom. I grew up a lot with them and was very close to them. My siblings were maybe the most consistent family that I saw. I used to read a lot of kids’ books and consume a lot of kids' media because of them.
I like a lot of whimsical things like carnivals and clowns, and I think it is just because I was so often surrounded by it. I think being a kid exiting childhood, then having to be around that stuff again, really sustained that for a bit. It was fun; it was a little hectic.
Then, when we moved to Oviedo, I went to a normal high school for the first time…
Up until then, I was only in arts programs. It was really weird *laughs.* It was hard to find a niche.
It’s been a lot of ups and downs to the point that I don’t have time to look back at it often.
What are these days like for you ?
I think…
I haven’t always had a lot of time to stop and reflect. Because of that hecticness, so much of my life has centered around other people: my parents, my siblings, friends even, and now it's just me and that’s really fucking scary in itself.
It’s just that spending all this time with myself, and trying to remember the things I enjoy that don’t deal with having other people there, is kinda interesting. I’ve been at my wits’ end trying to have a good time, because I’m so used to being around others or doing things that are fun with others.
Now that it’s time for: “What do you want to do for a career ?”
You have a whole day open: “What do you want to do ?” and it’s just like, “Oh...”
There’s something fun in that, too, though. You have so much space to just explore.
It’s both dreadful and exciting.
What has been inspiring and what has been uninspiring for you ?
I think that the idea of things being sequential is both inspiring and uninspiring right now *laughs.*
As stupid as it sounds, I wish I could live more destructively. Like, where I could pick a time of life to live in. In sequence, things are always influenced by what came before and how that affects how you see what’s coming forward. That could be really inspiring for artwork. Thinking about the baggage that certain moments come with, or feelings and emotions, and the way that you’re viewing that, can shape what that can turn into or what that can mean for you.
It’s something very uninspiring to not be able to separate that context sometimes. I’m someone who really whims away at memories when it comes to artwork. When it comes with a certain amount of baggage, it becomes difficult to focus on certain elements without constantly cycling through: “Oh, but because of this, that happened, and because of that, this may happen.”
It becomes a long question of “What if... ?” But, I think the clarity in that sequential stuff can be the part that makes that fun.
If you had to speak in one or the other for the rest of your life: would it be in statements or questions ?
Statements. I kinda just like to talk, and I feel like it would just be annoying if I just was asking questions all day *laughs.*
What do you think of uncertainty, since questions are uncertain things vs statements which are certain ?
Uncertainty is kinda like the one thing that will always be there.
I like uncertainty because it implies that things can be better. I think that I'm trying to think positively and it's great that there is somewhere to go from here and that that space is just open. I think uncertainty just drives action. It’s annoying but necessary...
Yeah, without uncertainty or unknowing, we wouldn’t want to do.
Yeah, if we always knew what was going to happen, like if everything was all set in stone and you can’t get around it... I mean personally, my drive would probably diminish.
Like, if my house is going to catch on fire, whatever I do... I mean, then what’s the point of putting stuff in the house ?
What is inspiration to you ?
I think inspiration for me is just motivation. It doesn’t have to mean that I’m going to create if I'm inspired. I think inspiration for me comes from… from when you care about something enough to take action in whatever aspect of your life that it matters.
To you, what is a life that's worth living ?
One that’s aware of itself.
I think that a life that’s worth living is one where you’re aware of the days passing and of your time and of what you’re doing, and you’re both appreciating and critiquing it.
I think awareness finds both joy and misery, but you need to feel those things sometimes. That is what makes life the way that it is.
Are there themes in your artwork that haunt you/that you find recurring/pop up subconsciously ?
Anticipatory grief. Every waking moment, I feel like I’m in some stage of grief. I think a lot of my artwork is processing grief. I’m very sensitive to time passing, and I think that’s why I like awareness as well. Being able to recreate and kind of mull over those memories that I have in my life…
I paint and I sculpt and it’s all interwoven with memory, but I think all of that is a way to process this anxiety of grief, like, “I can never be this age again. This is the youngest that I have ever seen my parents, and will ever see them again.”
Having lost people I was close to has made this anxiety of like, “things aren’t here forever,” and if you’re not there enough to appreciate it, y’know what’s the point.
Do you think that anxiety comes across in your artwork ?
I’d say my colours are anxious. Sometimes the speed at which I paint, or even the slowness, can convey anxiety. I know that I feel anxiety *laughs,* and that there is anxiety in my paintings, but I can’t tell if it comes across that way.
How do you feel about growing up in Miami ?
Oh, I miss it, I miss the food. It was nice over there because it’s primarily Spanish-speaking, and my first language is Spanish. When I first started school, I was in ESL (English Second Language,) and it was nice going to the store, and it was just Spanish. I think that my family feels a lot more comfortable in that space. As we moved up north in Florida, and it got a lot more “Americanized,” there was much more discomfort around them, and I missed the culture there a lot.
2024 was __ and 2025 will be __ ?
2024… I guess it was explorative, and 2025 will be finding.
Rooting for that *laughs* hopefully…
New York in October 2024 is…?
Hectic.* laughs* I’m trying to get a lot of things together right now…
Since it’s October, how do you feel about it being a notorious month?
October is a notorious month ?
Yeah *laughs,* like Halloween, etc.
Oh… like fall ? Well, I mean I like October.
I like this weather, I like pumpkins, so I like the flavours around *laughs.*
Ohhh, I like this time of the year because the candy is really cheap *laughs,* and I’m really stocked up on that right now…
I don’t know if that really answers the question…
I mean it’s part of it *laughs,* like the fun part of it.
What role does music play in your work ?
So, music really helps ground colours and space for me. Certain sounds belong in certain spots, Wednesday, the word, is in the belly, and it’s orange. I have my little thing going on, and certain songs emulate that.
I use music as a way to ground the anxiety that I was talking about earlier.
I go through really strong phases with it. Like, 6th grade was the year of My Chemical Romance, and if I sit down and listen to Demolition Lovers on loop, I’m going to feel like I did when I was 12.
That comes with a specific set of colours and space.
When I was 11, I felt like I was larger than I was, but still kind of in a box. Like, if you were full-sized and sat in a box, you’d feel really cramped, but kind of like large. That, y’know influenced the way that I kind of place figures in my paintings. I choose to shrink space and amplify the figures, it’s kind of the spacial recollection of that sort of music. I name some of my paintings after the song that I was listening to. I’ll usually loop a specific song, or like a set of three songs and rotate. It’s important.
Are you an album person or a single person ?
It really depends. It depends so much. I’ve really got into this one song by Daniel Hart called O Sangeeta... I hate the album. I’ve really… I’ve tried. I like his Dark Rooms, which is like his other music thing. I really like that music, but this one, I don’t really like the album.
I will sit through an album, but it doesn’t mean that I will like the album. I guess in that, I’m an album girl.
What kind of art do you like right now, and what kind of art do you not like right now ?
I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I’ve been all over the place. It kind of depends on the day.
I just like the movement of the camera.
I love Succession and talk about it all the time: the way that the camera is used in that show is kind of like it’s a person collecting information with us. I guess I’m interested in that, like, the angles and space that the camera is trying to capture and colours even.
I think the art that I don’t really like right now is making it *laughs.* It sounds really awful, but I think it’s just burnout.
I feel like most of the people that I’ve been talking to haven’t been making any artwork.
I haven’t touched anything.
The other day, I was like, “I thought I was going to die,” crying because I’ve put in so much time.
I’ve been in art school since I was 11, and like if you’re 11 and making life decisions like: “this is gonna be my career...” you’re kind of screwed. I’ve always been in it, and never really thought about being out of it, and that’s really creeping up on me. So, I don’t really know if there is any art that I dislike right now, but I’m definitely not as involved in it as I should be. I think being involved is the part that I dislike right now *laughs.*
Movies are great because they’re passive, but you’re still taking it in.
Oh! I watched The Cabinet of Dr Caligari yesterday. I just really liked the shapes. They’re really funky *laughs.*
I made a Letterboxd...
Oohhhh.
What is something mundane that you notice or pay attention to often ?
That’s a weird question because I pay a lot of attention to things. For example, I’m really aware of when my hair is touching my neck in a different way, which sounds weird, but I don’t know...
I have a big rock collection, so I am kind of always looking at the ground, hoping to pick something up. I also love taking pictures of cigarettes on the ground, and that’s really funny. I’m not sure where the humour is in that *laughs,* but I’ll look back and it’s like really funny when I scroll back on my phone.
There’s a lot of poop on the floor, and you just hope that it’s not human.
I think that the floor has a lot of... There’s a lot going on down there...
Yeah, the texture is also just nice. There are a lot of specks
Or sometimes it will look kind of shiny. It’s pretty sometimes.
What is an existential thought that you recurringly have ?
Well, I guess I could kind of go back to that hyper-awareness that things are going to finish. Like, “Am I wasting time... ?” I have this constant feeling that I’m wasting time.
I’m always kind of nervous about sitting at home for hours, or like if I go to bed without leaving the house. Oh my god, that drives me crazy. It’s just this feeling of like: “Oh, I’m wasting my time... I didn’t get to go outside... What if I don’t get to see outside again... What if things are different...”
My dad was in Nicaragua when it went to war. It could be some kind of generational trauma that they’ve been feeding me. “What if the US does go to shit... What if I don’t enjoy what it is right now...” That really works me up.
What is the best sensation, and what is the worst sensation ?
You know those glass beads that are flat on one side ? I used to like putting those under my tongue *laughs,* so I think that was the best sensation.
The worst... Ugh, I had a bob for like four years *laughs,* and it would always grow out to the point where the ends of my hair would touch my neck. I would hate that and then cut it short again, almost to the point of a pixie. I had my hair in a ponytail most of the time growing up, so I think that’s where the hair-touching-neck thing started.
Do you think that place has an impact on the work that you make ?
Yeah, definitely. When I moved out of my house: all of my artwork was about my house. When I was in my house: God forbid I make artwork about my house *laughs.* When I lived back with my family, I was very uninterested in figures. I was interested in fleshier-looking things. So, kind of figures, but not really. I was doing a lot of abstract-looking things, but there was still a touch of realism.
When I moved out, I got really into figuration and depicting them in paintings. My sketchbooks have always been full of figures, because I was a huge fan art kid growing up, and just y’know, Gerard Way here, and like Alex Turner there. I was always interested in figures, but my pieces didn’t feel complete without people in them. I painted a lot of houses and lines, and all of my paintings were based on repetition. Now that I’ve moved out, I almost only paint figures. I don’t really know why.
Since you’ve been doing things your entire life with, for, and around other people like your siblings, etc. and that in more recent years it hasn’t been so much like that:
Do you think that kind of environment change drew you to focus on people more, now that they aren’t there ?
Yeah, I feel like I’m trying to make up for the lack of.
I feel like I haven’t painted anything that isn’t a fucking person in God knows how long.
In which artistic direction do you want to go ?
I don’t know… *laughs* I know it’s ambitious, but I don’t know what it is.
I think it’s good to know that it’s ambitious *laughs.*
I think I have delusions of grandiosity...
I kinda want to sculpt again, but you need space.
I’ve been thinking about small art. I love big art like there is something so happy about a really big painting, but I don’t have the space anymore. At this point, it’s me or the paper, in my room *laughs.*
I wanna get back into drawing, like just pen and paper. It’s such a movable material. You can travel with it: it’s inexpensive and effective. I’ve been thinking about just doing stills from movies, because I don’t want to stop drawing. I just need filler work.
Yeah, to get it going again...
What comes to your mind when someone says world versus individual ?
Interaction. I don’t know if that makes sense.
For an individual, it’s the way that they are going to interact with the world.
For example, if you’re an individualist and you think of yourself first, versus having a sort of awareness of everyone around you and interacting with the world as a whole.
When I think of “individual,” I think of nervousness in a way.
If you’re self-absorbed... Some people are self-absorbed, and it’s bad... but I think it’s also like an anxiety thing when thinking of the world as a whole.
SIDONI RECOMMENDS.
TO DO:
Learn an instrument.
I’ve been trying to learn the guitar right now. I’ve been playing around with that a lot. When I think of art, I tend to think of visual art, but I’ve been playing with music.
TO GO:
Outside.
The weather is nice... You should be outside.
TO WATCH:
The people around you.
Like, when you asked the world vs individual thing: I think it’s nice to feel that sense of community.
TO LISTEN:
Good music...
Whatever that means to you.
TO READ:
I’ve been reading The Book of Pleasures by Clarice Lispector.
AN OBJECT *in this case, not an object but rather a non-human thing*:
Bugs!
OMG I got a Venus fly trap, and that’s my baby right now. It’s been eating ladybugs.
It eats bugs every two months, it can survive two months without them.
Actually, I got these nail stickers that are of bugs also.
TO THINK ABOUT:
Sequence.
What has happened, and where that’s going.
There’s a lot going on right now, and people need to pay more mind to it.
Sidoni is @miscellan3ous_ on Instagram
and was interviewed in October 2024.